Misunderstood

"Kalau berjalan, mata pandang bawah. Jangan pandang atau bercakap dengan budak laki2. Kalau perlu cakap, panggil dia 'Pakcik". Jangan nak ber'abang-abang'." That was what I was told during the so called 'Orientation Week" when I joined my secondary boarding school. I and the rest of the class followed this religiously which I think in retrospective if they wanted to transform us into a bunch of terrorist army it would be a very easy job. So fearful of us towards our seniors that we just embraced whatever they say like a plant in dire need of sunshine. The funny thing was we had nobody to call Pakcik since we rarely talk to the boys that we ended up practicing it on the poor canteen workers, the gardener or the janitor. They were so furious (some of them were barely in their twenties, mind you!) that they called us "Makcik" in retaliation! Frankly, I think all that were bunch of rubbish because in real world we are not segregated. The way they taught us had made us think that celibacy is THE way of life.


We were segregated in school; male and female that we didn't even talk to our own classmate. Those who talk were made to feel bad. The worst are those who had a fling with the opposite sex. When I say fling, it just meant harmless hello and some letters being exchanged. No physical contact whatsoever was involved. Still, they were treated like an outcast. Imagine if some of them were caught dating outside the school, even lepers sufferers would have received a better treatment than them. Honestly.


As we grew up and became slightly more mature, signs of rebellion started to surface. For girls, it will be something like; listening to some rock music, keeping rock stars poster. Or even adopting unusual fashion habits; like wearing your skirt slightly higher than it should be with ankle-length sock so when we walk, there would be high chance that part of the ankle will be exposed. For guys, I think the usual would be keeping their hair longer than it should, even donning some unual fashion habits, smoking or truanting. Small rebellion. Small maybe, insignificant to others. But still, it was a rebellion. A subtle reminder to our soul that nobody can control us.


Segregation is bad. It made us curious, even prejudice and eventually we ended up fighting with the other party. One example; I knew a girl who had a chair thrown at her combined with abusive words (she was called a 'whore'!!) by a male classmate simply because she made a funny remark about a him. Some volatile response towards a harmless observation! Even I had my share of bad experience; thanks to my male classmates. They called me names and I didn't even know what I did wrong to deserve something like that. The more I ignored them, the severe the verbal abuse. I think somehow it affected me as an adult. It contributed to a bitter, blunt and sarcastic side of me. But the bright side is; I'm a stronger and more resilient person now. Also thanks to them.


Anyway, as my batch became seniors I heard they became more tolerant, more flexible ( I wasn't there to witness the change, as I went to another boarding school). Nobody in my batch had become a terrorist and nobody had comitted suicide so far. As for me, it took a very very long time to forgive a few of my male classmates. Maybe they were plain ignorant. Or maybe we were all misunderstood.